Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
