I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
