Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
