I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
