Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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