Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
