We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
