Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
