wat bout pragnant strippers??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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