Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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