i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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