He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
