can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
