He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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