i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
