We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
