i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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