Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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