I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
