I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
