I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
