We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
