I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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