Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
