i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
