I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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