That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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