I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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