we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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