come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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