Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
