Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
