A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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