john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I did not marry a roomba.
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