There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
