Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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