sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
