So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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