Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
