My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
