I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
