Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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