I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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