thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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