I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
