i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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