I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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