She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
