Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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