Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
