Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
