We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
