i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
