I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
