im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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