I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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