The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
