Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize