Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
