I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
